On breakups and eating habits.

My numbers have been really great lately. Like below 200 great. I should be happy about this, but I haven’t really felt like eating a whole lot lately, so my boluses are super-accurate (read: non-existent). On my best days, I usually stick to a very low-carb diet, only consuming carbs that come from natural sources like dairy and fruit. I’ve cut almost all bread and bread products out because I have entirely too much trouble bolusing for them, and the way they spike my blood sugars is simply unreal. Sometimes it feels like no amount of insulin infused at any rate will affect the spikes, so I just do without. It isn’t a hard diet to follow, really; I’m not a big carb eater as it is. I have been known to splurge (as we all have at some point, right?), so there’s always a little wiggle room. Sometimes I miss the way I used to eat pre-D, and then I have to take a moment to thank my pancreas for all of it hard work in the past.

The other thing that I think affects eating habits is who we hang out with. My boyfriend and I were big foodies, like $160 at a fancy restaurant was a good night out. Since we broke up about a week ago (he gave me some BS excuse along the lines of “I don’t love you anymore” which, to me, sounds a lot like, “our relationship is great but I like being single better”) I just haven’t been eating… anything. The motivation to make food or go out and get food just isn’t there. I wouldn’t say that I’m depressed, necessarily, just really really sad. I liked this guy. A lot. I thought on more than one occasion that he could be it for me, and that I would be okay never dating anyone else. Needless to say, I’ve been pretty sad as of late. It’s been a real challenge for me to want to check my BG and do any daily diabetes-related things. My ex was really involved in my D-care, so that’s adding another level to the situation as well. The ways in which diabetes affects my life continue to amaze me — this is my first breakup post-diagnosis that had nothing to do with D, so that’s refreshing, but now there’s the prospect of having to re-enter the dating world, which is something that genuinely terrifies me. My mother says that D shouldn’t even come up while dating, but it does, and it will. I mean, I wear a pump for crap’s sake. It’s there. It’s in the open. Anyone that I date is also going to have to know about D because it is a really crucial part of what makes me who I am — it’s just as important to me as my family or what I do for a living. 

I guess I still have a lot to learn. 

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